King Charles Street, London SW1A 2AH

Salmon once wrote to this newspaper with a simple suggestion: why not review the quality of all departmental canteens? Most departments serve fish’n’chips on a Friday so, every fortnight, I turn up at a department and scoff my way through mountains of the stuff, marking the food against a set scorecard.

The fish, chips, batter, accompaniments and surroundings are all scored out of five. Currently in first plaice is the Department for Work and Pensions with 21 points, while the Department for Health is languishing in the depths with just 5.

This week, the Foreign and Commonwealth Office (FCO) has been examined. The headquarters on King Charles Street was intended by its architect, George Gilbert Scott, to be “a kind of national palace or drawing room for the nation.” I therefore expected stuccoed columns and slices of lemon on silver platters. Instead the canteen, with its cramped layout and yellow lighting, brings to mind a cross-channel ferry’s coffee shop.

The serving staff seemed brusque, and a queue formed in front of me because a lady was angrily remonstrating over being short-changed (by £1). However, there was a pleasant buzz to the dining area itself. People were actually using the space – flicking through newspapers, excitedly discussing office gossip and world news, or vigorously highlighting mountains of paperwork. The people make a place and, unlike many other canteens, the FCO felt used and enjoyed.

Unfortunately, this is a food review – and that was poor. Everything was incredibly dry, and I have no idea how they managed it; the most common mistake by departmental canteens is to make sodden, greasy chips and soggy batter, but the FCO had clearly overcompensated.

To eat my lunch, I had to chip through the batter using my fork as a chisel; like an ice sculptor, I dodged the shrapnel flying off left, right and centre. If I were a health and safety inspector, I’d advise goggles. Once I’d created a gap, I could see a desiccated hake fillet looking up at me ominously. It was deboned, and didn’t taste off, but was clearly overcooked. The chips were a little leathery, while the mushy peas didn’t seem particularly, um, mushy.

Perhaps I should have poured on some gravy, which – I was pleased to note – was free of charge, but instead I merely plumped for some thin, weak-tasting tartar sauce. The Cabinet Office still holds the crown on that front. Unlike Defra, at least the FCO retained a point or two by not charging for ketchup, salt or vinegar.
I’ve had worse meals, but I wouldn’t choose to eat there again. What were the scores? Fish: 2; Batter: 1; Chips: 2; Accompaniments: 4; Surroundings 3. Total: 12/25. Floundering.

review, restaurant, canteen, fish 'n' chips

Last updated 141 days ago by Civil Service World